Sunday Afternoon

Friends and Family,

WoW....what an amazing week it has been. Honestly, all the days and night have run together for me. Two trips to the ER and an additional OR visit and 2 days in the hospital. I can only say now that I am blessed to be home and thankful the pain I suffered has subsided. I cried out to God many times and know now that so many of you called out to God and lifted me up...thank you.

It seems blood clots have been the culprit that sent me back to the hospital and to surgery again. My surgeon's partner Dr. Kram was so good to me/us and made life bearable when I thought I could take no more. I am still passing some clots, very much smaller and painlessly.

Thanksgiving Day was a day my family has looked forward to for so long. Turns out I spent it in the hospital but my wonderful family, my sons Chris and Patrick and their wives and children brought their personal T-Day wishes to me in my hospital room. It filled my heart with joy and gratitude and my eyes with tears..they are such good kids. Their T-day dinner was chicken wings 'cause they wanted to wait til I could come home for our real Thanksgiving dinner. I was discharged about noon on Friday and that evening we sat at my grandmother's drop leaf table filled with a bounty of food. Again, I was so full and even said I could not begin to ask a blessing on the meal 'cause I knew I would be crying.

God is so good and has been so good to me. The pain was almost unbearable and I cried a river of tears in agony but know now, I am so blessed and have so much to be thankful for.

Tomorrow is when I was supposed to return to the doc to have this catheter removed and a cystogram to insure the surgical connection between my bladder and urethra is intact. I am not sure that either of those things will happen?

I hate to continue to complain about my hand but it is still no better. Numbness and pain are constant in my left hand and I suspect I will be visiting my ortho doc to see what we can do about it.

It has been a good afternoon to bundle up and remember all the things we have to be thankful for. Today, a wonderful church friend weathered the rain and brought me a small gift.... a blue ribbon lapel pin. Just as the pink is for breast cancer survivors and awareness, the blue is for prostate cancer. What a priviledge it will be to wear it.

For all of you who are sharing this journey with me, thank you.....I love you for caring about me and loving me and my family. Some of you have spent hours in the emergency room this week and others still in my room, assuring me " it'll be OK". I have seen God in your faces and His touch in your hands....thank you.

I hope to give you another update tomorrow...til then, may God bless you richly.

I Love You All "Thank You Lord for Your blessings on me"

Mike

Home At Last

Home Sweet Home....we arrived at 12:30pm. We will have our Thanksgiving Meal this evening.

Love to All...B

Thanksgiving Update

Happy Thanksgiving. Mike is still in the hospital. We got him out of bed this morning and his catheter became blocked again. When this happens he is in excruciating pain. Not fun for me either. Anyhow, they had to remove it and install another (install sounds better than insert).

They will try again in the morning to get him out of bed. The doctor will be present when this happens, my hope is that if it becomes blocked with the doctor there, it will not escalate to excruciating pain. If it does become blocked they will take him to the OR at noon for the scope procedure again.

Love to All,
B

News from B

It's late Wednesday evening, Mike is in the hospital. Here's what happened. Late Tuesday afternoon we started seeing blood in the catheter tubes. We watched....at about 9pm we realized that the catheter was blocked. We did our best with our limited resources to clear the tube, we were not successful. So to the hospital we went.

They cleared the catheter and were preparing to send us home..this was at about 2am. When I noticed a large amount of blood in the tubing. Within about 15 minutes he was in excruciating pain. They could not clear the blockage this time. They were communicating with the urologist through out. At 2:25ish the decision was made to take him to the OR. The urologist arrived in about 15 minutes, the OR team was there in about 20 minutes.

They went in with a scope to see what was going on. His bladder had a large blood clot, which they cleared. Where his urethra was reattached to the base of his bladder is still healing and had a small area seeping. The doctor has assured us that he will be fine, this was just a little set back. The doctor was very pleased with his healing so far. Said it is just a slow process. (this was not the original surgeon, he is out of town for the holiday) He also told us that this type of bleed is very rare he had only see it 2 times in his career.

Again, Mike is going to be fine. Our hope is to be home mid-day on Thanksgiving.

Please continue to pray for continued healing.

Love to All B

Glass Half Full

Friends and Family,

I trust you all had a great weekend, a blessed Sabbath and a good first day back to work if you are there yet. My day started kinda early again. After retiring early, worn out from watching both my favorite football teams lose yesterday I was awakened about 1:00am with some pretty significant discomfort. A quick check of my catheter bag showed I had not voided anything in over 5 hours and had some spotting on the front of my "tidy-whitey" boxer briefs. 20 minutes later we are on the way to Lake Norman Regional Hospital Emergency Room. Mary Ann was the nurse and in less than 10 minutes she had evaluated the problem and remedied it. A blood clot had formed in the catheter and blocked the flow from my bladder. One good squeeze of what looked like a turkey baster and the dam broke and the flood waters came rushing through....ahhhhhhhhhh.

I asked later if there was anything I might could have done differently to prevent this kinda thing and she said "no". So......I was already scheduled to see the doc at 8:00am with great expectations of having this companion of mine for the past two weeks (my catheter) sent packing. W e l l ......doc said he was 99% sure everything was OK but wanted to be 100% sure before we removed it. I was sent to Presby Huntersville for a procedure called a cystogram. My bladder was filled with a radioactive contrasting fluid as pictures were taken. An almost immediate response from the radiologist said a leak at the base of my bladder was present as the contrast began migrating away from the base of my bladder where the urethra had been reattached. Pictures in hand and head hanging low, back to the doc where he said my little friend will be "hanging around" for at least another week. I'd be lying sure enough if I said I was not real unhappy and disappointed.

Well, I went to the bathroom and had myself a little pity party, cried a little bit and just got pissed off. Got all that out and turned that page! I have SO much to be thankful for, I had a good breakfast this morning, I have heat in my home and a warm dry bed and more friends and family loving me and praying for me than anyone else I know. It is not the way I had planned to spend Thanksgiving with my children and grandchildren but at least I get to spend it with them, all 10 of us will be together. I don't have cancer in my body anymore either, that is an amazing blessing. God is so good to me and now I feel a little bit ashamed for getting so upset. And, God sent a little reminder to me......hardly got home from all the "stuff" this morning and two church friends are knocking on the door. They came to clean our gutters before it starts to rain today. GOD IS SO GOOD !!!

Time to do little things in preparation of the family coming in two days. I suspect it may take me a bit longer than I planned but I'll make it happen. First thing I'm gonna do is finishing filling up my cup that I have had on my chair side table all week. It was half empty this morning.....now it is half full and I am gonna go finishing filling it up!

Thank you ALL for your love and prayers for me and my family....and THANK YOU LORD FOR YOUR BLESSINGS ON ME!
Mike

Saturday

Friends and Family,

Hope everyone got a chance to sleep in this morning and feels great....I slept pretty good and feel wonderful this morning...it's beautiful outside, sunny but cold and I am cancer free...now there is a enough reason for celebrating all day long.

Hopefully I will wake up only two more mornings with this catheter as I see the doc on Monday. Today some possible options for what I will do for the possibility of incontinence was the topic of discussion after breakfast. Call me crazy but I feel that problem will become a "no problem" very soon....I just have a positve feeling about it. In any event, there are lots of options available.

Tomorrow is Sunday and I would love to think I could go to church but am kind of afraid. There are lotsa steps to manage and I know there would be alot of hugs and hand shakes and as much as I love you all, I don't want to get a bug right now.

I woke in the night last night and realized I was about to sneeze...I freaked! I know it was gonna hurt so bad and it really scared me but after 3 quick "achoo's", I went back to sleep....no big deal at all, didn't hurt a bit! Is amazing what kinda stuff can get into your head sometimes huh?

Well, think it is about time to begin the shower routine and get ready for the day of sports TV.

I continue to see God is so many different places and faces .... He is not an amazing god, He is THE Amazing God !!!!

Have a wonderful Saturday, tell someone you love them and pray for all those who may be sick and hurting today. Thank you for all your prayers for me..... I Love You All

"Thank you Lord, for Your blessings on me" Mike

Friends,

Is about for all your working folks to pack it in for the week, you've earned a great weekend. As you saw from my earlier post it was an early start for me today. I did get in a little walk around the block, first time all the way around...I was so tired when I got back. Today was another big milestone for me....(WARNING: yes, I am still a boy!!) I got to spend some time in the bathroom reading....YEEE HAAA. I've been waiting for a week.

I also found some pretty interesting stats today that I want to share. Did you know that over 186,000 men will be diagnosed with prostate cancer this year and over 28,000 death will occur this year? Prostate cancer is the leading cause of death in our country for men. Men, buck up and schedule those physicals and ladies, nag you men til they do it! My oldest son is only 32 years old but I am already on him about getting his physical and have his PSA (prostate specific antigen) checked. Yea, I know, doc will say you don't need to worry about it til you reach 45-50 years old BUT - now we have a family history!

Our church family continues to pour blessings on us. Meals have been prepared and delivered everyday. Our Emmaus community has also been sending their support in posted comments and emails. Just as I said many times, God will show up and show off -- He surely has !!!

I hope you all have a great weekend. Am sure I will be hanging close to home and staying in to stay warm. About 33 shopping days left til Christmas.... I only need one.

I Love You ALL so much and thank you from the bottom of my heart.

"Thank you Lord for Your blessings on me"

Mike

Good Friday Morning Friends,

Ain't it great to be alive on a beautiful, crisp fall morning? Actually my morning started about 3:15, just couldn't sleep for some reason so decided to get up and see what wonderful things the world has to offer today.
Again, I am overwhelmed with the love and support of so many people. I say with a great degree of certainty that God has smiled alot lately seeing his children taking such good care of one who is struggling just a bit.

I think I get stronger each day, but each day has it own set of challenges too. I have a catheter and while it is not painful, it is a hindrance to many normal routines. I call it my "purse" now and when I go out or if we know we are having company, I will put my purse in one of those "environmentally conscious" type grocery bags to hide it. Seems to work for now. If all goes well and as planned it will be gone before lunch on Monday. YEE HAA

One wound site is still seeping some (there was 6 incisions). I was thinking it would be all healed up by now but it is being a bit stubborn. It happens to be the same site where my drain was. The drain was removed on Monday morning and the doc said it'll close up on it's on.....well, it's taking it's own sweet time about it.

Did some online shopping yesterday too....shopping, not buying. How do you think I would look in a pretty light blue cap with a light blue ribbon on it? Darn shame they won't have some of them on sale a week from today when many of the otherwise sane people I know, go temporarily insane in shopping malls.

I know there are others lying in hospital rooms all over the world right now, just as I was a week ago. I pray for them to be renewed and restored, healed and blessed in the same ways I have been. Thanksgiving will have a very special meaning for me this year. I can tell you without a doubt, I will never make it through our dinner blessing without losing it. Know what though, it's OK.

Hands are almost completely numb again now, gotta cut this edition off. Thanks again for all you do for me and mine. No days goes by that you do not make me smile and or cry..... I LOVE YOU ALL.

Know I am praying for you too.......... Thank you Lord for Your blessings on me ! Mike

Thursday Part 2

Friends,

Any guesses on what was for dinner last nite? Actually it was salmon, sauted asparagus and risotto w/parmesan cheese....Thanks Teresa, it was great. Today has certainly been my biggest day yet. Got out and took a walk but realized that I am certainly NOT close to full strength. It was great to be out tho....

The more I have thot about this Q&A thing, the less appealing the idea became so.....I guess I will wait to see what questions may come up and I will do my best to describe how it applies to me.

I have learned more about my body in recent weeks than I knew in all my previous life. I was one of those people, not just men but everyone, that did'nt know there is actually a prostate cancer awareness ribbon just like for breast cancer awareness. It is a pretty light blue and you can be assured I will be sporting one soon. Why do think we didn't know? I cant say for sure but am gonna say I think it is because we "boys" dont like sharing things like that...makes us look weak! Brothers, GOD does not make mistakes and we are just a part of something much bigger than ourselves! Man, I gotta change channels or I know I will get preachy.

My hands, especially my left, remain very weak and my left hand has alot of pain too. I am told it is not that unusual. I can cough today without the fear I will cause my stomach to explode with all 6 incisions coming apart. I did feel like a sneeze was coming on yesterday and did everything I could think of and went through every gyration I knew to suppress it -- it worked !

It's 3:30 in the afternoon now. Time to move about a bit more maybe. Thanks for visiting with me today. Oh yea...wieghed today after my shower...I am 35 lbs lighter than I was last week at this time. Doc told me he forced more fluids than I could have possibly been able to drink....think it's a safe bet I have gotten rid of most of it !

Please continue to pray for me and my family, thanks for your love and support. Til next time....

Thank you Lord, for your blessings on me, Mike

T-Day is only one week away !

Friends and Family,

Woke up this morning and realized that I experience these flashes, moments when I feel perfect....no pain, no soreness, no discomfort and then it passes again to a feeling of being just less than perfect and then again in a few minutes or few hours I will have that "perfect" feeling again. I believe those "special moments" will begin to come closer together.

Had a great dinner last night, was the first meal that actually had some defined taste in over a week. Our friend Teresa came over, fixed the whole meal and served it...it was great. Bet cha wonder what it was? Maybe I will tell ya later and let cha just guess for now...

Preacher Rick visited too and brought news of a gift from the church, specifically the United Methodist Men. I continued to be blown away by the way God shows His face in my life. When leaving for the doc yesterday I commented how I wished I had had the time to get up leaves and clean the gutters on the house. I know in time I will get to it and it'll be OK. Rick told me it would be taken care of and someone will be coming in a day or two to take care of it for me/us. Again, I was moved to tears. GOD IS SO GOOD !

Goals for today are getting to the mailbox and back by myself and sorting through a giant pile of mail that has accumulated over the past week or so. I am gonna do that little Q and A thing here later too.

I believe there is a bowl of Cheerios in my immediate future now. It's a beautiful day outside. I hope I never live long enough to take for granted one second of this blessed life I live.

Later friends.......... Thank you Lord, for you blessings on me ! MR

Staple Remover.

Wednesday afternoon and a week ago about this time I suppose the docs were stapling the holes in my belly? Today was the day there were due out and I dreaded it since yesterday. I had this vision of the same kind of staple remover that sets on the desk here beside me would be what they were using --NOT !! Turns out they were much like a little pair of scissors and everyone one came out perfectly and more important - PAINLESSLY

Didn't get to see the doc today tho'...seems he got caught in a surgery that ran over and we needed to wait or reschedule. With the way I messed up things last week with my issues, I knew I wasn't gonna be complaining. If I were him tho, would make a note to self.."no more surgeries on Wednesdays"!

God continues to show Himself in many ways and places....another stack of beautiful cards in the mailbox today. Thank you all so very much.

Tomorrow I think I am gonna do a little Q and A thing on here and tell ya about some of the little things I've learned in a week and that you just may be wondering about. If you got any questions, fire away....but don't ask if you dont want me to tell ya !

Have a great night, continue your prayers for me (please), for sick folks everywhere and for each other.

I Love You ALL.... "Thank you Lord, for your blessings on me" Mike

One week anniversary

Friends and Family,

It's just after 7:00am on Wednesday morning, November 19th...one week ago about this same time I was being wheeled down a hallway and into an operating room. Sure wish I could remember more about my arrival in the room there, I so wanted to see the robot they were going to use for the procedure. There is a nice picture of it and my docs located in a few places around the hospital but would have been neat to see it up close and personal.

Yesterday was a good day. I am trying to set goals for each day and increase them each day aswell. Yesterday's goals were to walk to the mailbox and to fold the clean laundry while sitting. Sounds easy enough huh? Didn't get either one of 'em done! Today I got up feeling ambitious and made some jello. Was the only thing I got to eat in the hospital that was any good at all. Any one who knows me knows how much I love to eat but since coming home, I have almost no appetite and nothing tastes like it is supposed too. Have been told it is a reaction to some of the meds or possible anesthesia and will pass. Good news is maybe I can lose a few pounds in the process.

Today is gonna be a big road trip for me too...going back to doc to get the staples out. I have never had a problem with needles or I.V.'s or giving blood or anything like that til last Sunday when it took four nurses, six tries to get a new I.V. port opened and now I am so not wanting it to hurt anymore. That you can count as my first little "whine" and yes, there will be more I'm sure before this chapter in my life is done.

My daddy came home from hospital yesterday too. For those who might not have gotten the word, while I was still in C.C.U. last Friday, they were taking Daddy to the hospital with chest pains and shortness of breath. They kept that little secret from me til Saturday and told me once I had made the turn to pain controlled recovery. Turns out he has some gall bladder issues and test results, including a stress test indicate he is OK for now. I felt pretty helpless and still do, my brother Dean in Texas was torn as to what he should do with Daddy and brother in the hosital in two different cities 4 hours apart and a day's travel for him. My sister Kim and some Uncles and Aunts kept us updated and informed as best they could and for now...all is well. Daddy and I needed to hear each others voices yesterday and we did talk for a while.

One of the big issues I am having to deal with is all the "stuff" people are doing for me/us. Not a day has gone by in a week there hasn't been a card or cards in the mailbox. Flowers, gift boxes and baskets, phone calls and emails and the kids at church sent me a special gift too. I want to get a picture of it to post on here. It just overwhelms me to tears everyday to see how much I am loved and cared about. It is much easier for me to be on the "givin" side than on the "gettin". Thank you all so very much.

Think I told ya'll yesterday I got some nerve issues going on in my hands and I am hitting the backspace more than any other key right now so I best go and try to do more later. For those who respond here, thanks. I get excited when I see a comment has been posted. Will give you an update after I see doc today. In the mean time, let's celebrate my one week anniversary being cancer free! WOO HOO !!! Love You All

Thank you Lord, for your blessings on Me.... Mike

Home again

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Friends and Family, Just as I knew and all of you said, I have made it through to the other side and today sit in the same place where I started this blog. There is so much to tell and I want to tell it all but that too will take some time. My physical condition is good I think and meets or exceeds every expectation the doctors have. I cannot do much typing at one time as the nerves in my left hand, specifically the ulnar(check me on that one) was damaged by what I think were I.V. ports. I am confident that too will mend in time. For this entry I do want to tell you about one GIANT piece of good news. The post-op biopsy revealed a greater percentage of cancer than the original biopsy but ALL margin were clear and with the complete removal of my prostate, God has made me CANCER FREE once again.

I have read your cards and emails and felt your prayers and honestly am overwhelmed by it all. Feeling so much love from so many people from literally all over the world is an amazing thing...it has filled me to overflowing more that a few times already. Thank you all.

Think it is time to begin the bath time adventure....please continue to keep me and my family in your prayers.

I Love You All ~~~~~ Thank You Lord, for your blessings on Me ! ~~~~~ Mike

Sunday Update from B

We are out of ICU and in a regular room. WOO HOO! Mike started on a liquid diet today and is doing great. I think we have reached the top of the hill (or should I say mountain) and it will be down hill from here. Thank you again for your prayers and support.

Saturday Night Update from B

WOW - what a difference a few hours can make. Mike is doing much better tonight. He took a very small walk this afternoon and sat in a chair for a while this evening. I broke the news about his dad. His dad is doing good and will have more test on his heart on Monday.

Thanks for all of your support, prayers and well wishes.

Update from B

Nothing has gone as planned. Here is the update:

Wed - Surgery lasted 9 hours (should have been 5). The size and shape of his prostate made it difficult and slow going. He stayed in recovery 4 hours (should have been 1 1/2), his kidney's did not bounce back quickly because of the length of the surgery. Hd was taken to ICU. That night was very tough, they did not have the pain managed well.

Thu - They changed the pain management to a morphine drip with a button where he can give himself more every 10 minutes if needed. This was a tremendous help and the pain management has been good ever since. His urine output is getting better. We got some sleep Thursday night.

Fri - He is still in ICU. He is getting better. All of his blood work and other numbers are good. They are keeping him in ICU to carefully watch the balance of the drainage tube vs. the catheter. I just received word from Mike's brother that they have taken Mike's dad to the hospital with chest pains (I have not told Mike yet.)

Sat - Mike is still in ICU. It has been a rough morning. Mike is nauseous. This is normal. The 3rd day is suppose to be the toughest. The urine output is good, all numbers are where they are suppose to be. We will get him out of bed today and have him try to walk. This will hopefully help with the gas, pressure and nauseous. Mike's dad is in ICU in Kenansville (Mike does not know). He has gallstones and is having irregular heart beat. If Mike is feeling better this afternoon I will tell him.

Please keep praying for us. Feel free to share with those who care and love us

About 12 hours to go now...

It's Tuesday evening about 5:30 and like they used to say back home...."I'm in the short rows now". For those who may not understand that saying, please just ask someone, it's way to hard to explain here :-)

The pre-op stuff went as planned, give a little blood, do a little X-ray and do ALOT of forms. I suspect THAT part of medical technology will never change?

Show time is 6:00 in the morning and the main attraction is at 7:00. I can honestly say I am not a bit nervous (good thing too as I have 32 oz of Magnesium Citrate in my system).

Seriously, I have had so many good wishes and prayer today and all this past week. Messages on here and cards in the mailbox and text messages. Few things in life are more overwhelming than experiencing the love of other poured out on you. For myself and my Family, thank you all so very much...I love you too.

Today I will turn off of the old road I have travelled for a long time and tomorrow will turn onto a new road with many new sights and adventures in store. What a blessing it is to share this journey with all of you.

As today come to and end, the sun sets and night brings a need to sleep and rest I remember the song Tommie and I sang just a few weeks ago..... " I've a roof up above me, I've a good place to sleep. There's food on my table and shoes on my feet. You gave me your love Lord, and a fine family. And I thank you Lord, for your blessings on me." Amen!

Surgery Eve

Today is November 11, 2008. I have filled in alot of what my journey has been so far but so much more has happened. Age and confusion cloud some of my memory and I feel I may have even left some good parts out. What I want to do here is try and list some of the highlights in my life, on this journey so far.....

I attended some Emmaus events a couple of weeks ago and several people came to me just to say "we are praying for you Mike", people I had not spoken too in weeks or months, they knew and were praying.

Got a phone call from a man, a friend of a friend, I didn't even know. He wanted to share anything about his experience with prostate surgery that might help me.

A friend at church came up to tell me he had already been down the road I am turning on to and if he could do anything to help, let him know. He offered to let me read his journal.

I have already gotten many cards and notes from people at church, just lending their support and friendship and assuring me I am in their prayers.

Sunday evening at a Chrysalis Event, Chris Westmoreland came up to me, gave me a big ole Chris hug and said "we are so praying for you". He is such a nice guy.

Preacher have been praying for me....Rick, Jimmy Howard, Bob Jack, Gail Montgomery, Bird McCormick, Patience Brumley, Chris W. and others Im sure I dont even know.

Ive been told I am on prayer lists from Beulaville, NC to Ocoee, Florida to Dallas, Texas and countless points in between. Prayer is a mighty powerful thing.

This morning....what an incredible outpouring of love and support. Our regular Tuesday morning breakfast meeting for bible study and prayer....we filled up the who room...14 people - my family of friends were there to pray for me, pray with me, hug me, encourage me and yes, even cry with me. Yes, Donna Stroupe and Ronna Privette and Brenda ALL got up and came to breakfast, just for me ! What a great feeling. It is difficult at times to accept so much love and support. I do much better on the giving side than being on the recieving side. It is just one bright star in a sky full of stars, blessings that God gives me, has given me for no other reason than he just loves me and has put these wonderful people in my life to show it on His behalf.

Later today I go for my pre-op visit with the hospital and begin the "purge". I am so not looking forward to that part but by tomorrow this time, I wont even care !

eeny-meeny-miney-mo

It was not as simple as eeny-meeny-miney-mo.....I thought and prayed and thought and prayed and finally decided that for me, the best option is surgery, the radical prostatectomy. My prostate and seminal vessicules will be removed during the surgery. It is a decision that my wife and family and friends totally support and once told, my docs agreed they too think it is the best option for me. With my current pathology and age and overall good health condition, it should leave me with the best results. So, one big hurdle is conquered. I felt better immediately after I said the words to the doc, I want to do the surgery. Now, how to make the schedules work. I have already planned a trip to the beach with my sons and grandchildren to fish, we do it every year actually. That was going to be Oct 30th thru Nov 5th and then I was taking Momma and Daddy to Norfolk, Va for a USNavy function for retired personnel that would keep be busy til late on Sunday Nov 9th. So....I asked Dr Polsky's wonderful scheduling person, Jennifer, to set me up anytime Nov 12 or after. Within a few day, Jennifer called to confirm everything was set for Nov 12 at 7:00am at Lake Normal Regional Medical Center in Mooresville. I was so glad, I had a plan and so the clock could start the count-down.

Treatment Options

Man o Man...it was like a buffet of treatment options to choose from. They ranged from doing absolutely nothing( that is called Watchful Waiting) to the extreme. More techno-eese to learn...HIFU (High Intensity Focused Ultrasound) was one option. Two machines in the country are available for this treatment and one is in Charlotte. Thing is, it is still considered experimental by the FDA and not approved by insurance companies and with a cost of a mere $25,000.00 per treatment, I ruled it out right away. I told B I could have a real nice funeral for less than that...she failed to see the humor I had intended! Cyro procedures were mentioned and work opposite of the HIFU in that it freezes the affected area while HIFU heats it. Radioactive seeding, placing seeds directly into the prostate....I am not a good candidate for that because mine is to enlarged (mine is approx 65cc while most normal prostate glands are 35cc). The every popular radiation treatment....8 1/2 weeks of focused radiation. It would almost certainly kill the cancer cells in the prostate but the downside is that it may damage other areas and/or organs close to the prostate. Another downside to radiation, if future surgery is required in this area it would be difficult. I have analogized it as being like melting a milk carton over something and then trying to peel it off.

I had the opportunity to see a Radiologist/Oncologist, and he too was very honest about the possible side effects of radiation. I made an appointment to go and see my favorite doc, Dr Temple Day ( I just love her). She was patient and caring and gave me as much information as she could but like all the others docs, would not say what she thought I should do. She gave me a hug when I left and assured me it would be OK

Jerry and I were still working every day, between doc appointments and one job we went to was for a Mr Johnston. After a few hours there and some conversation I asked Mr Johnston what he did for a living, what was his claim to fame. He told me that if he had wanted to spend the money on one of them fancy license plates for his car, it would have said " 2 P C Me" I did not get the meaning right away so he told me he was a retired doctor, a urologist. God is still working aint he? I had about 4 days worth of consultation and countless stories about cases of prostate cancer that Dr Johnston had dealt with in a 40+ year career. Like the others, he never told me what I should do, just to take my time, weigh my options and do what was best for me.

1st Doc visit after the diagnosis

I was able to move up my appointment to Thursday after I had found out on Tuesday. It was a 4:00 appointment and we both went. Doctor Polsky came in with papers, some for me and some he read from. It was the results of the biopsy. There were 5 piece of paper stapled together and the front sheet contained pictures and graphs and lots of "doctor-eese". The word my eyes were drawn to was on the right side, half way down....in bold type and bookended with asterics ***MALIGNANT*** That was the one word on that page that I knew exactly what meant.

Doctor Polsky was so good, so patient and so caring. Im sure he had done this many time but he made me, made us feel that we were special, he cared especially for me and my situation. I guess that was the first of many times God would show his face through others. We talked of options and treatment plans and yes, even had a few more tears, Brenda was not doing well with this thing so far. I left that day with a book, two DVDs and my mind full of more information than I thought I would ever need or want to know about prostates and prostate cancer.

My family knew I was supposed to go to see the doc on Monday so seeing him on Thursday before gave me some time to prepare for how and when I will tell them. I think telling my sons was the most difficult of all. The are both very different men and express their emotions differently. We all handled it well and I did not cry, my greatest fear in having to tell them. The both asked if there is anything they could do, promised to help me/us in any way they could and accepted my reassurance that everything would be OK. Telling Momma and Daddy was hard too but again, I kept it together and the same with brother Dean. I am so lucky to have a family that I know loves me in spite of all my failures and the many times I have disappointed them. My daughters-in-law have called and been supportive and my sister-in-law too. Most times I feel like they are not inlaws at all...they are really family. My inlaws in Florida have called and given their support too. Brenda's Dad Gene is a prostate cancer survivor now. I have finally told them all that we will have no more tears, no sappy stuff and sentimental accounts of days gone by or yet to come. As a matter of fact, I gave Brenda til 10:00 PM on Thursday night to be done with it! NO MORE TEARS !

The Waiting Game Part 1 begins

What a relief to have that part of this journey over with. Compared to the pain and discomfort so many cancer patients endure, I know mine was tiny...but to me, it was a HUGE thing. While the results of the procedure were still days away, the effects from it began almost immediately. There was blood where blood should not have been. It was not painful anymore but a bit unsettling to see things that to me were just "not natural". The docs and nurses warned me of what to expect and once again, they were right on target. I was normal, my body was responding normally and my reaction to it was pretty much normal too.

The weekend came and went and Monday was a new work day. I had to wait another whole week before I would know the results of the biopsy and see the doctor. With all the advancements in modern medicine and technology it seemed like a long time to wait but I was gonna be patient. On Tuesday, Sept. 23rd Jerry and I were working on a wheelchair ramp at a home off Hwy 115 outside of Huntersville when my phone rang. It was a number I did not recognize but I did answer it. The voice on the other end identified himself as Dr Polsky. After a momentary exchange of greetings and niceties, he began by saying how he did not like calling patients but felt it best to let me know now instead of waiting anxiously for another week that the results were in and I did in fact have prostate cancer. Once again, hearing my name and cancer in the same sentence just seemed impossible. I kept my best manly voice and thanked the doctor and said I would see him in a few days. I walked back to our project and Jerry asked, "what's going on?" I told him, the first person and the first time in my life that I have prostate cancer. Jerry was stilled....took off his cap and wiped his forehead...I dont remember exactly what he said. I know we had alot of conversation the rest of that afternoon but I cant remember any of it right now. The thing I do remember is Jerry stopping right before we left for the day and putting his hand on my shoulder and praying for me.

It was a Tuesday afternoon and tonight was United Methodist Men's meeting and Brenda's circle was feeding us that night. I know I did not want "it" to become a topic of discussion and I did not have the time between work and the meeting to properly tell Brenda either. I decided to keep it to myself. Once the meeting was over I got Rick in the back of the room and told him. I also told him to keep it to himself for the rest of the night as I had not told Brenda yet. He prayed for me right there too. On the way home I knew I needed to tell B so I turned the radio off. That prompted an immediate "what cha do that for?" from B. I told her the doctor had called this afternoon and the results showed I have prostate cancer. Once again, I cannot recall what if any conversation we had that night. I know there were tears and hugs......

Note to Self: Take the valium sooner

Friday, September 19, 2008 was the appointment for my prostate biopsy. I am not certain but feel reasonable confident that any procedure called "biopsy" has to be associated with discomfort and/or pain. THIS was no exception. I took the prescribed valium about 30 minutes prior to the schedule procedure with an expectation that I would be "loopy" most if not all of the procedure. NOT SO ! Without too many gruesome details let me try to explain what happens. An ultrasound probe is inserted rectally. This is used to give the doctore a picture of where exactly the prostate is located and to mark the sites for tissue removal. Another probe is inserted with a needle to anesthesize the prostate before the biopsy. Probe two removed, probe three enters equipped with some type of mechanism that removes 14 little pieces of my prostate one at a time. It was similar to how the little needle feels when you get your finger pricked at the doctors office or when you are giving blood. The sound right before that little needle stick reminded me of those little toy guns we used to get for a $1 that had the rubber suction tip darts fired from a spring loaded plastic pistol. The valium had NOT worked as I thought it would and I counted down each needle as it fired into my innards. At 7 I realized I was half way there, at 10 I was in double digits and then 12, then 13 and finally the last one. I has sucessfully wiped away the tears before I had to face the assistant who helped me up. I am so thankful for medicine and technology but I pray that is something I never have to go through again. For those of you who have know me for a while and know about the accident I had almost 3 years ago with a nailgun, shooting a nail into my hand....given the choice again in the future as to which I would rather have done, I would have to give it some serious thought!

Oh yea, the valium finally did kick in. We stopped for chinese on the way home, I had a few phone conversations and still do not remember any of it. I am told I can be pretty humorous when under the influence of controlled narcotics. Note to self: TAKE THE VALIUM SOONER NEXT TIME !

Alphabet soup

In July this year I went in for a routine physical, including a blood work up. My doctor, Dr. Temple Day is just the greatest, I just love her. She made me just through all the hoops and prod and probes and told me that my prostate seemed enlarged and could explain some of my issues with nightime bathroom interruptions for the past 2 years. It is a condition called BPH (benign prostate hyperplasia). Without alarm, she said the blood work and PSA (prostate specific antigen) results would tell us if there is any other issues that need to be addressed. One week later, we got the results of the blood work and my PSA counts had risen from 1.1 the year before to 3.3 now. As a precautionary measure, she suggested it could be a low grade infection and decided to put me on anti-biotic for 3 weeks and then we'd re-test. A month later we did re-test and the PSA count had increased another point. A referral was made to a urologist.

A couple of weeks later I met Dr Stewart Polski for the first time in Huntersville. What a nice guy. He told me all the "stuff" about the prostate, how it works and why it may not work as well sometimes. His recommendation to me was a biopsy. This would tell us if there was cancer in my prostate. He explained how this procedure worked and we made an appointment. I searched on the internet for all and any information I could find and learned that what he had already told me was pretty much what was written on here. We were "on" and I was schedule for my first steps in what has become quite a journey.

My name is Mike Raynor, I am 55 years old, live in Charlotte, North Carolina and have been diagnosed with Prostate Cancer. Never in my life did I think I would ever use my name in the same sentence with the word cancer. One thing I have learned about cancer, not just mine, is that it is not considerate of age, gender, race or any other "quality" we give ourselves as human beings.

Over the next few weeks and months I am going to try and chronicle my journey in my personal battle with this disease and the consequences associated with treatments options and recovery.

One question I have asked myself is "How does anyone go through this or any other cancer and treatment without faith in God and the support of family and friends?" Many of you have already heard me say that I know God is gonna to show, He is gonna to show off and I AM GONNA BE THE STAR OF THE SHOW ! (And you know how I love being the star of the show)

So, for those of you who share this journey with me, welcome! I am greatful we are here together. Your prayers and good wishes sent my way are welcomed and appreciated more than I can say. I feel blessed to be a part of something that is so much bigger than me.

One thank you I want to give first of all is to Michelle Brachten for pointing me in the right direction to try and get this blog created.

To my family and friends and my family of friends, thank you for loving me in spite of who I am sometime, I love you all !

OK, let the journey begin...................